Sunday, April 27, 2014

Hiring a career transition coach, Part II: finding the right fit

In my last post I talked about some of the reasons I had for hiring a career transition coach.  What it came down to was that I’d worked incredibly hard and gotten a really prestigious position in my field, but once the high of that achievement started to fade, the toll the high stress position was taking on my body, mind, family, my parenting and my enjoyment of the rest of my life was becoming overwhelming to me. Sloooooowly, very slowly, I was able to admit that I wanted to leave it behind me and do something I found a lot more meaningful.

Once I made the decision to hire a coach, I did a lot of research into the different types of coaches available to someone like me. I’d heard of “life coaches” and understood that some of them could help with life balance and career transitions, but I wasn’t sure if a life coach would be targeted enough for me. I can be a “cut to the chase” kind of person in my professional life, and I wanted someone who could cut to the chase along with me. So I set about picking a category of coach that fit my needs.

 


 

I. Identify the type of coach for your needs.

Here’s my list and the exact notes I made when I was reviewing my options:

1.  Life coach – categorizing life stages, identifying obstacles, finding paths to achievement/growth/happiness in multiple areas of life, e.g. parenting, relationships, career, work/life balance, etc.

2.  Resume and job application editing and interview coaching service – specific to editing and targeting your professional CV, cover letter, interview talking points and strategies.

3.  Career transition coach – addressing underlying goals that aren’t being served in current career, how those goals can be met in next career, and strategies for using skills and strengths to move forward into new career that meets goals.

The Career transition coach (#3) was pretty much exactly what I needed just then, as ideally it would be a good balance between working out my big-picture goals and the specifics of the career building process.

 


 

II. Identify must-haves and research, research, research.

This is the list I wrote of my own “must haves” and after doing a lot of research I discovered that you can be picky in looking for a coach. There are a lot of certified coaches out there, and they have come from a huge variety of career backgrounds. When I first wrote this list I thought it might be too specific and I’d have to compromise on some of the points – I didn’t. In fact narrowing the coaches I found down to just 3 was pretty hard, since I found so many that matched.

My list:

1.  Certification by the International Coaching Federation. The certification comes with a commitment to a certain set of ethics, and I wanted to make sure my coach had made this commitment.

2.  Specialty in career transition coaching: I wanted someone who was not just listing “career transitions” as one of a long list of potential life situations they could advise on, but someone who seriously specialized in career transitions. Ideally they would have references related to their abilities in this area.

3.  Experience in my specific professional field. I didn’t want a business coach, as the rules of my own career field are very different. I wanted someone who would understand the unwritten rules and “insider” expectations of my field without me having to spell them out. Which meant they’d either have to have been in my field, or they’d have to have successfully worked with enough clients like me to have become a de facto insider.

4.  Online access: I didn’t want to be limited to coaches in my geographical area. I wanted someone who would be comfortable using Skype, phone and email contact.

5.  Free initial consultation: The only way I’d know if the chemistry is right was by getting to know the coach and their communication style. I needed someone who communicated well with me, and who had the upbeat but no-nonsense pace that I respond to best.

I made a short-list of 3 potential coaches, all women (I didn’t have a gender preference, it just happened that way) and set up preliminary phone or Skype consultations with them, all in the same week. I wanted to give each consultation enough time to settle in my mind, but I didn’t want to drag the process out too long. I started on a Monday and gave myself until Friday to make my choice.

 


 

III. The initial consultation

I think this part of the hiring process isn’t given enough weight in how-to guides, though it’s hugely important. My advice would be to think about the career goals you have and come up with a list of questions that would essentially ask the potential coach, in a nutshell: “how you will help me meet these goals?” 

Here’s the list I made to evaluate the 3 coaches during my free consultation:

1.  Availability

  • communication method
  • dates/times

2.  Experience in my field

  • What is their experience in this field, either personally or through previous clients?
  • What specific strategies would they use to help someone in my field that differ from other (business, retail, etc) fields?

3. Coaching process

  • How do they work? – what is their process, will we do exercises, homework?
  • Do they record sessions, do they summarize them and reiterate the take-home messages or is that up to me?
  • Do they seem directed, focused, action-oriented and practical – but also empathetic?
  • Do they listen? Take in what is said and respond? (rather that focusing on a particular learned set of exercises, or sales pitch) <—this was something I was worried about for some reason…
  • Are they comfortable with a firm end point? - if I tell them I would like to have X weeks/sessions of coaching and to create a plan for that amount of time, are they willing to work with that?

4. Gut feeling

  • Do I like them? Do we ‘get’ each other?

--> The point on this list that turned out to be the most helpful? #4. Gut feeling.

But to really get the gut feeling, I had to talk to them about everything else on the list. Because to be honest, I didn’t know which process or exercises would be most helpful – I just wanted to hear them talk about them, and respond to direct questions with equally direct answers. The answers themselves are their livelihood and their area of expertise, so I was guessing that most of them would sound good to me.

 


 

If you’re interested, this was the breakdown for the three people I interviewed:

Coach #1: We had a 30 minute Skype session and I was surprised to see that she lived in Europe (this wasn’t apparent on her website, since her business practice is all online), and that she was about 9 months pregnant. At that point I started thinking that the scheduling would be tricky, as I was aiming for a 2 month plan and at some point during that time she would end up with a newborn, and that type of time commitment + the Europe/US time difference might make things hard to schedule. Also she was a pretty “let’s not set limits, but just start talking and see where this goes” type of person. That would be great for a lot of different areas of my life, but not what I wanted for this particular one.

 Coach #2: We had a 30 minute phone call. This coach was pragmatic, detail oriented and logical. She was experienced in my field. She was very smart, had references, had availability, and got to the question about aligning things with a firm end point even before I did. She was everything I could possibly have asked for on paper. She checked every single box I had. She also totally scared me! I kept wondering if she wasn’t someone who had actually WORKED AT the same University I was just transitioning out of. By the time I got off the phone with her I was paranoid, my stomach had started to ache and my stress level was rising like a rocket. Nope.

Coach #3: Oh thank goodness. We had a 45 minute phone call (it was scheduled for 30 minutes, but at the 30 minute mark we weren’t done and she chose to finish our talk rather than rush off the phone). She started the call by telling me that she smiled when she read my initial email to her, as it was exactly the sort of email she’d have sent a career coach with the same type of expectations. It’s not like we were chatting “like friends” but she was definitely in the family of personality types I choose to surround myself with. She was detail oriented and logical, but she was also much more flexible in the way she approached the details than I was – and this was like gold in the bank to me. I felt like I’d already had a coaching session in that consultation talk. I seriously left that call thinking about a new way to approach some of the problems I was having. The gut feeling box was checked 10x over during that call. Obviously this was the coach I went with!

 

Next: Part III: The Coaching Process

 

Saturday, April 26, 2014

Hiring a career transition coach (Part I: why I hired a coach)

changeI thought I would write a bit about my search for (and use of) a career transition coach, since I was grateful for any information I could get my hands on when I was trying to figure out if I wanted to use one myself.

I had tons of reservations about hiring someone - usually I just get help from reading, googling, working things out on paper and going for long runs to work through the details - so I was pretty surprised and hugely grateful that I ended up getting more out of the experience than I expected going in.

So with the disclaimer in place that I’m not even going to mention the woman I used by name – I’m not advertising, nor am I getting anything out of this – I’m going to write about the process I used to find an intelligent, pragmatic, empathetic and intuitive but still pretty tough and effective coach, and then the process we used together to articulate my needs and my goals for the new career so I could make the right choices and eventually forge my own action plan to get there.


Why I hired a coach.

For a while I was embarrassed to tell my friends that I’d hired a career transition coach.  “Life coaching” was something of a joke in my circle, somewhat akin to talking about “my guru in Nepal” or “my second cousin’s vegan diet coach.”  I didn’t think of myself as the type of person to hire a coach, and I wasn’t even admitting to myself that I wanted out of the career I was in a the time.

So here’s how it happened.

The scene? A thrift store called Savers. My son Ky and six of his closest friends searching the racks for something they could turn into compelling Anime costumes. Me? Probably worrying about my absence (at 10am on a Sunday) from the high pressure University where I was working, and probably clutching my stomach, half bent over from the stress and anxiety of not being seen at work 7 days a week. Was I giving the impression that I valued something more than work? Was I going to be Mommy-tracked for taking time off work for my son? Those were my worries back then.

I sat in the book section of Savers, which was the only section of the store with chairs that weren’t chintz and weren’t for sale. I distinctly remember perching on the edge of a chair and feeling kind of…  I don’t know, maybe confused? heartsick? Kind of like I recognized that I was doing something completely normal, shopping with my son and his friends, but I wasn’t feeling normal about doing it. I was feeling guilty to the point of illness that I wasn’t at work, and then feeling even more guilty that I wasn’t enjoying time with my son. I knew there was a huge realization attached to this, an elephant in the room that I was trying very hard not to acknowledge, but I stuffed those thoughts back inside and distracted myself by leafing through one of the books that someone had left out on the table. The book was Expecting Adam by Martha Beck.

What was really interesting is that I flipped open the book and randomly started reading the point in her autobiography where she was busy working at a high pressure University and getting stomach cramps and majorly ill from stress, and from worrying about how she would appear to her superiors if she prioritized something other than work. I related to her story so strongly in that moment that I bought the book and read the entire thing in one sitting. After reading it through, I downloaded her audiobooks and listened to those one after another, filled out countless worksheets and journals and dream diaries. In her story, Martha Beck leaves the high pressure University and transitions her career and her life, and things got exponentially better for her. I envied her bravery hugely.

This isn’t a post about Martha Beck – her book just happened to pop up in front of me in a rare moment I was primed to listen to the take home message, and it was what started me thinking about career transitions and letting go of the parts of my life that were causing me the most stress and unhappiness. The more I thought about these things, the clearer it was to me that I really wanted to leave my high stress career, but I wasn’t sure how to come up with a reasonable action plan – or if I even had the guts to do it.

I did a lot of research and made a lot of lists of life priorities, passions, interests, finances, major skills and goals. Over time I felt like I had a lot of the pieces in front of me, but I didn’t know how to put them together or which parts of my thoughts and ideas were realistic and which were pipe dreams or dead ends. Was I being brave or immature by thinking of leaving my high pressure career behind?  Did I have a realistic vision of what I wanted to do next, or just a vague and hazy idea of what I didn’t want to do?

I started feeling like I needed to bounce ideas off someone. Someone who was a professional, who had moved in similar professional circles and knew the territory, the politics, the feelings and motivation and realities of my profession. While friends and family were generally supportive of me, their support was caring and personal. And I loved and needed that caring, but I also needed some professional advice, bulleted points, action plans and mapped-out possibilities. I put the tentative search term “career transition coach” into google, and found out that YES, they totally exist, in great numbers, and that my next job would have to be figuring out exactly which kind I was looking for.

Next - Part II:  Finding the right coach.

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Creeping towards Friday on little cat feet

I made it through the dreaded goodbye lunch at job #1 by yakking with my friends as if we were having any other lunch. I love my work friends and they are pretty much the only things I’ll miss from here (and, bonus: you can take friendships with you when you leave!) I’m not sure why I dreaded the lunch that much. I think I feel guilty about leaving this career for the second time in 5 years and I guess I imagined that realization would be hanging like a cloud over my head the entire lunch?

Onward and upward!

 

  • I’m setting up appointments with a career transition coach I’ve used in the past. She’s AWESOME at helping me sort out a plan of action, roping in my daydreamy thoughts and forcing me to articulate my values so I can avoid falling into the same ole’ same ole’ career/trap just because it’s familiar and I keep thinking that it couldn’t have been THAT bad last time I did it (note to future self: it really was that bad – trust your gut).

 

  • I was just offered another small job for the Fall that will bring my income back into a near-normal range, at least for that semester. I’m relieved, but then the second I feel relief in not being immediately “in trouble” I start feeling stress for only just “getting by.” Sick of worry, sick of stress (and this is only my first day back in the “transition” trenches…)

 

  • Two months ago I found out I didn’t get in to a program in my wannabe-new-career field – I can’t even describe the amount of work I’d put into it, and the disappointment I felt at the rejection. But today I have a… what would you call it, a rejection interview? --- with someone who can go over my application with me and hopefully tell me what went wrong. I’m half convinced they’re going to tell me I’m too old (no, that would probably be illegal) – or that my background in former-career, no matter how prestigious, isn’t good enough?  Or, worst of all: there was nothing wrong with my application, but the numbers weren’t in my favor. That one’s the worst because there’s nothing you can do about it, no action plan, and applying again would feel like banking on a winning lottery ticket. 

 

  • I managed to mix a salad dressing for my spinach salad that, when combined with the chopped apples and chicken I threw on top, smelled exactly like the noxious chemical I’m using at work this week. I’m starving, completely unable to eat the salad with the poison smelling dressing, and forced to eat leftover Easter candy to make my stomach stop growling. My 5 year old self thinks this is great news, but my 40 year old belly says nuh-uh. :(

 

  • It’s still Thursday. It’s been Thursday forever. It may always be Thursday.

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

The tedious “goodbye lunch” scenario at work…

Part of my main job ending this week is having to endure the dreaded goodbye lunch, which I’m so not looking forward to.

Anticipated tedious goodbye lunch conversations:

  • “So what comes next for you"?”

Fake answer:  “Omg, so much I don’t even know where to start! Teaching, learning, so much going on! Oh, I meant to ask you about your [insert clever subject change] – how is that going, anyway?”

Real answer: “Pretty much fear and uncertainty. Self doubt. Questioning everything. Some prayer, probably. Twenty job applications all hanging in limbo. Unemployment office visit outlook: likely!”

  • -- actually that’s going to be the only lunch conversation, repeated every time someone new comes in the room, followed by a lot of awkward silences and passing of potato chips.

     

    --> SO not looking forward to this.

  • Tuesday, April 22, 2014

    Career Transition Stage: terrified

     

    It’s T minus 2 days until my main job comes to an end.

    I’m at that part of the poster filled with inspirational slogans that tells you to shake your life up! do what you love! leave behind the things that aren’t working for you! ---> and I’m sitting here with a large glass of wine, trying to relax, feeling a knot in my stomach, feeling so lost.

    Is it okay to call your mom when you’re lost, if you’re 40? Well, I did. I called looking for some comfort. Some direction. Actually I just wanted someone to tell me what to do. If someone else were to take control of my life for a few months right now until I’ve gotten back on track? I wouldn’t mind so much.

    My mom wasn’t so helpful. As soon as she heard that I was stressed she tried to change the subject. She’s of the mind that if you don’t acknowledge someone’s feelings, then they won’t feel them.

    [example: “dad’s depressed, but don’t mention it to him in case he latches on to that thought and starts using depressing words to describe himself!” –> me: “I’m thinking dad already knows he’s depressed, and it’s sad that everyone around him is pretending he’s not." –> mom: “Oh he’ll snap out of it, as long as we carry on like things are fine.”]

    And that’s pretty much what happened to me as well. Emma’s stressed – uh oh, quick, tell a story and take her mind off it, even through she called because she wants to talk about it. Don’t let her. If she doesn’t say it, it’s not real.

    In any case, lack of mother comfort aside, it’s a dark night of the soul. Red wine helps, as always. A long run in the morning will help even more.