Thursday, January 2, 2014

Was 2013 a good year? Will 2014 be better?

It would be hard to beat 2012. That was my year. It should have been transformative (that triumphant compilation of hard work and reward, like the Philly run scene in Rocky) but I'll have to settle for it just being a really, really good standalone year. 

To be completely honest, 2013 was something of a let-down on a personal level.

Ky graduated highschool and left for college, and that part of life had its own set of highs and lows. 

But most of what I'm exploring here is the me that is supposed to exist beyond parenting, and if I try to look past the parenting to whatever else exists in me... I wasn't a stellar performer at life this year. 

2012 was one of those low-lows & high-highs years. I was depressed, hit rock bottom, gathered up some courage from somewhere, took the plunge and was a complete bad-ass. 

I rode the high of that summer of success for... what, maybe 6 months. But as 2013 got into gear, I was spinning my wheels. I was still coasting along nicely from 2012, but I wasn't generating anything new. 

And that's where I found myself all of 2013, and where I find myself now at the opening of 2014.

I keep wondering: is this normal? Do normal people work so hard to achieve something, and then have this amazing experience, a month or two of peak performance, and then ride the high of that for a while before plummeting again? I don't mean emotionally, but in actual life experiences? 

I keep thinking about 2014 and all the "one word resolutions", "bucket lists", "This is the year of ______!!!!" and potential mantras. And it just makes me feel pretty tired. Surely one year should come along in which I think: "I'm in a really good place. Nothing huge, just nice. I hope this nice place keeps existing for a long time, so I can enjoy it some more." 
Instead of feeling like I'm gearing up for something huge (again) or gearing down from something huge (again). 

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